Monday, September 28, 2009
I'm feeling sad right now. Which is a bit of an understatement.
I guess I'm "all-out-of-sorts". That's a better way to put it.
I'm feeling connected to small, quiet, slow things. I want to be a snail, slowly meandering down a leaf. I think the desire to take it slow is my bodys' way of telling me that I am about to over-do it.
I'm focusing in on little things. Which I've been taking pictures of lately but not actually stopping to appreciate.
When we go hiking Adam and I see these little signs, directing us down a path. And something about them always calls to me. The simplicity of a sign on a tree, pointing you in the right direction. I wish that life was as simple as a hike.
I want to be tiny. And see the world like this. With the moss as tall as trees. And the whole world unfocused and beautiful.
More signs. Sometimes they're hard to interpret. This is a green stamp on a tree. I know it means we're on the green path. But can a color define the steps you're taking? Can it tell you what you'll see or who you will meet? I know I know. I'm waxing poetic, and not artfully at that...
I'm coping with these new feelings. Some people I talked to this weekend mentioned that the universe has felt 'out of whack' lately. And I agree. I feel as though I've been living in a bubble for the last two months. And maybe this weekend has helped me pop that bubble and get back out into myself. I've been hiding from things that need to be done and said. And it feels like there's no time for that anymore.
But I'm going to slip out of my isolation slowly. I'm going to measure my steps. I don't feel the need to run pell mell into anything. I need to take baby steps.
I'm worried that if I run I'll fall and break into a million pieces. Like a porcelain doll.
I'm going to sit, and cover myself in soft things, comforting clothes and words and feelings. I'm going to draw myself free, write myself free, and slowly move towards my true path.
The embroidery is helping. Small measured stitches, knitting everything together...
I might need some Ursula K LeGuin to help me. She always keeps me in this mood, this world. Which is where I feel I need to be. Patient. Open to change. Ready for anything because your soul and even the world itself is your rock, your support.
In the meantime I feel like the huddled figure in this picture. Holding myself together with my hands and my thoughts.
I'm sending out some love to those who need it. Please understand if I don't get back to you right away these days. I'm coming out of my coccoon and it's going to take some time before I'm ready for the regular grind again.
In the meantime, please remember to send kind words and love to those close to you. And know that you're loved.