Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Perkins and actual brain thoughts

So I realize that I've been mostly posting boring accounts of things I'm making. I will share some more things I've been making, and then chat a bit about other, more interesting things.

This is Perkins. He is a stone gnome. He is available on my etsy site. He is one of a new litter of creatures. The rest can be seen on my flickr set.

That TV is a mini one I made for a new video that so far I have neglected for about a year. Maybe I will still make it one day...

Yesterday I ended up making five new creatures. It was hard to make a litter of new babes without letting them become soulless and boring. It really takes a lot of energy giving them personalities and feelings. They need to have something breathed into them, and it's hard to quantify what that is.

I try very hard to give each one a little bit of 'something'. Platts Stevens is my favorite from yesterday. He was sort of supposed to be a sock Platypus, but he ended up being something else...somehow.

It's nice making creatures, but I'm still looking for something a bit more lucrative. I think there's probably a market for my little guys, but I don't really think I can pursue that full time.

I read a new book yesterday. It's called Thirsty. It's by M.T. Anderson. It's a young teen vampire sort of book, but I found it pretty engaging. It's not really normal to find a book for teens that actually has adult style morals and life questions. Usually they wrap up with a little bow.

This book left me wondering about good and evil, and about fate, and what we are meant to do or be. If you like fiction that could be adult or youth, I recommend it.

(Tangent Rant: Oh, I was introduced to a new fun thing by the owner of The Voracious Reader in Larchmont, NY. It's called the Indie Store Finder. If you click on that link, it will help you find the nearest independent store! I think it's mostly interesting for indie book stores, but they have all sorts of indie stores in their database. Support something other than chains. What a concept. So if you like the idea of young teen vampire fiction, try using the indie store finder to get yourself a copy.)

Thirsty gave me weird dreams. I don't remember any of them now though. I hate when I forget my dreams. I feel like they're important, and that I need to remember them to understand my life fully.

I used to keep a dream journal. And every now and again I still write them down. I got lazy I think.

I've been stumbling across a lot of my old art lately, as I attempt to get a grip on what my work is becoming and what I'm becoming. I'm finally starting to feel old. It happens in little pieces. I had the revelation yesterday, maybe the day before, that I am most assuredly no longer 'cool' to teenagers.

Now I was never 'cool'. That would never be a word to accurately describe me. But for a time, maybe five or so years, I was, by virtue of being in college or just out of college, 'cool' to young teenagers. I had tasted the freedom and liberty of 'adulthood', but wasn't yet tainted by adult culture. It was a great feeling. Realizing that I was now suddenly in a highly coveted position.

It's not like there was really any way to exploit this feeling. It just was. Sometimes I'd be on the bus, or the subway, and realize that I was in this exalted place to teenagers around me. I was trusted as a fellow young person, but also revered as a sort of avatar for everything they were itching to be.

And that's pretty much over. I've been told that there is a ten year gap. Within ten years, you're cool. So I guess to a sixteen year old or older, I might still be in that magic place. Hopefully to my sister I am. But to those little fourteen and thirteen year old girls I see at work, I'm a wash up. An adult. Above them in ways they would never aspire to. Wearing last years, or five years ago's fashion. Or a fashion that is inspired by something so ancient that it's just awful.


It's not a new feeling. As I said, 'cool' was just a fad for me. Something I happened on. A treat I got without paying for it, that disappeared just as mysteriously as it arrived.

Getting something for free doesn't mean I can't miss it though.

All the more reason to embrace adulthood, and migrate fully out of the 'in between' place. If it ever existed.

I've been told, multiple times, that I need to get 'adult' jewelry, and wear 'adult' clothes. I've started wearing 'adult clothes' more and more. Just to get some respect I suppose. Wearing the clothes I like wearing doesn't give me much clout in 'adult' conversations. And sadly, I now, more than ever, need to live in the adult world.

It's an important transition. I suppose there are rituals in our culture for that transition. Leaving high school, leaving college, etc. But living and working in theatre, especially when I'm freelance, has meant that I have been able to prolong the inevitable. Everyone in theatre is a bit childlike. A bit loose and free with rules and restrictions. So wearing ripped, painted clothes is totally acceptable. And walking into a theatre when there is a load in, or a 'call' of any sort, in fully 'adult' clothes, means you're a designer, a director, or really just don't belong.

You're expected to be a little 'out there' in theatre. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time fitting myself into normal 'adult culture'. I definitely fit the bill for responsible, hard working, good little employee. I'm a Virgo and like everything to be perfect when I'm at work. But I also really value my freedom to express myself. To be a little funny and odd.

It's probably why when I've worked retail, I've worked in small businesses. They are usually more accepting of otherness. They run a small business for chrissakes. That's probably one of the hardest things you can do these days. So if they find a competent employee who likes to wear hats with ears, well, whatever, they can wear hats with ears if they get the job done!


Sorry for the long rant. I'll go now. Off to integrate into adult society. Slowly but surely.




Cynjon said...

Heh...wait till you hit your mid-30s, then you'll *really* feel no longer cool! (at least not to the younger generation, that is)

Have you ever read Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy?

Rosemoo said...

Heh. Yeah. 30's. Yikes.

I read the first two, and half of the third, but for some reason never totally finished the series.

I liked it though. I should re read them all and finish number 3 one of these days...

softbutchboy said...

rawk! I feel the same way about giving life to sock monsters. I think it about it as - letting them tell me what they look like. If I think about it too much, they just lose their soul.

Diana said...

haha. I moved to a new country and got two years older. I don't know how this happened as I've only been here a year.

Anyhow, I understand. And you're still "cool" to me. :)

Cris Melo, of MeloEarth.com said...

Let me know how that "integration" works for you. I'm over 40 (what?) and I still feel in a limbo place. When I was a kid I thought 30 was old. When I got to 30 I said "ok, maybe 40 is old". Now I think maybe 60 or 70 is old.

I kid.

I know that we are only as old as we let ourselves to become. As long as we don't get stuck in appearances, there's so much fun to be had at any age. I am decided to not use that word anymore, as much as possible. Or "young", for that matter. I'm just me, and as long as my brain is active and my heart full of hopes and dreams, I'm good.

When I was "young" it wasn't much fun. I had no idea about who I was and lived to please people. Now I'm beginning to get glimpses of what's inside, what's MINE, and it's getting to feel more like coming home.

Rosemoo said...

Good point Cris. I guess I'm as 'old' or 'young' as I want to be. :D