Thursday, December 18, 2008



Who knew?

So far this week (engagement week as I've been calling it in my head) almost none of my friends or family have been particularly surprised that I proposed. Some may even be said to have been 'congratulatory'.

But not a one of my friends or family seemed super surprised. (Though I can't blame them too much, I've been asking questions and dropping nervous hints to everyone but him for weeks).

My theory is that most of 'my people' know that I like to do things my way. I have a tendency to be a bit stubborn sometimes, and I like to fight for freedom and individuality all the time (on my own terms of course). So to one of my friends or coworkers, it comes as little to no surprise that I would propose.



A woman.


Doesn't surprise them.

Apparently it doesn't work that way for everyone.

It's very interesting.

My taller half has been getting a lot of flak for not being the one to propose. And I'm really surprised. Apparently it's still very strange and appalling for a woman to propose.

Now wait a minute.

How long has the country been fighting for same sex marriage? (not always winning but still?)

How long have women been able to vote?

How long have we had the right to choose?

How long have we been able to get fancy powerful jobs (like the president of Ithaca College of past years, Peggy Williams)?

How long have we been able to wear pants? Have a career? Pursue our happiness and ours alone?

How long has it been since we've had 'A Room of Ones Own'?

And yet.

And yet, we can't propose?

I'm honestly astounded.

Turns out quite a lot of 'his people' have been very negative.

I really feel flabbergasted.

Not really angry or upset, but really just astonished.

I mean, Really?


Come on. Half the country voted for Obama. We're getting equal racial rights slowly. I still want equal female rights too! Let's not drop one ball for the other.

I want it all! Rights for all!

And let me tell you. I don't feel bad. Or wrong, or anything.

I'm proud to have proposed, and to be engaged, by my own hand.

It's a promise. A promise between us.

And I don't 'need a ring too' as some people have suggested.

WE have a ring!

A promise ring!

Why promise twice?!

We're gonna both have rings when we get married.


Help me out folks.

What is the deal????

Where is this weird stuff coming from? All these feelings from people? Equality? Where is it? I thought I had it!

And I really want to know. From people who agree that it's weird that I did it. That it's weird that I proposed.

Why? Why is it weird?

I mean. If we were lesbians trying to get married, I'd at least be a little more prepared for everyone looking at us funny.

I'm spoiled as a short white female in a heterosexual relationship, I know I am. I have a lot of freedoms and liberty that some of my friends would be envious to have. So of course, having a lot of privilege, even a small amount of discrimination chafes more than it should I suppose.

But I still don't understand.


Lady Epiphany said...

Congrats ! I had heard from Josh that you were engaged, but Alec and I have had few conversations this week.

It is the way your relationship works, and it doesn't really matter what people from his camp think. You share a life, household and commitment to each other. I believe you form a great partnership and it makes sense to me knowing both of you that this is the way your story unfolds as you are the risk taker who puts herself out there and he plays it safe and holds his cards close to his chest.

Jon said...

I have not heard a single person say anything against you proposing to him. Perhaps someone/people have said something to Adam directly, but I suspect instead that something closer to gentle teasing is getting lost in translation and misconstrued. People are happy for the both of you.

Rose said...

Thanks guys.

I'm more worried for him than for me. I'm used to doing stuff that brings a bit of surprise to peoples normal days.

But whatever is going on seems to be getting to him. :(

steph said...


more power to ya! I am inspired and impressed by your decision to propose and admire you for breaking out and making things happen! Don't listen to naysayers...they're not the ones living your life. You must live according to your own heart. well done, lady!