Friday, December 12, 2008

randomness

Feeling a bit random and eclectic in my thoughts today.

Someone in the other room just yelled 'Swedish Fish!'

Yup.

I had a funny moment today, looking up from my book on the elevated train over the bridge.

"Soon this will be a memory."

In exactly one week I will be taking quite possibly my last trips on the J, M, Z train during that hour, at that time of the morning. Maybe ever, at any time of day.

It's weird when you can actually feel the winds of change, blowing over you, about to suck you in.

It may be my own choice to enter into such weirdness and throw myself out of whack, but it's still weird and hard to manage.

Liberating and stifling all at once.

I can look back at the times of major change in my life. Sometimes I remember the last time I did something or saw something unique to my life at the time. Sometimes the last time I did something wasn't memorable.

I don't remember my last ride on a double decker bus in London, even though I rode them every day for six months practically.

I don't remember my last day of college particularly.

I don't remember how I felt the first or last time I took a greyhound bus.

But I do remember-

the day I left Maryland to go to college.

the day my cat died.

the day my little brother was born, all the way down to the details of going to the hospital that night.

the first day I realized that my mother wasn't omniscient and godlike.

the night I realized that I was in love with my current partner.

It's funny how change is sometimes this large, overpowering thing.

And sometimes it just happens. It's just another day in your life. Just another moment washed away in the sea of moments you experience every day and couldn't possibly log in your memory.

I guess I won't really know how this goes until it's over. But right now it feels huge and overpowering.

And good.

I'm anxious, but feeling positive for the future. I'm looking forward to the wave washing over me and taking me somewhere new.

-Rose

1 comment:

Lady Epiphany said...

Yay :) Embracing change.